China, Part 6

Yesterday I went to a supermarket and bought laundry detergent.

This sounds quite ordinary, but I assure you, here it's not.

Wait, maybe it is. I went to the laundry detergent aisle, found a brand I recognized (Tide), took note of the price (16.8 RMB), took it to the cash register, paid for it with a 20 RMB note, and walked out with my Tide and change. Simple.

I think what did it was the confidence I had in my need for detergent.

A week ago, I had thought to hit up the same supermarket to get toothpaste. I went down and up the escalators, hemming and hawing about whether I should "give it a go" and just attempt to buy something in a language I couldn't speak. I chickened out, and denied myself the toothpaste, relying on the hotel-provided stuff.

Well, when I realized the hotel charged 22 Yuan ($3 USD) for each pair of undies washed, it occurred to me that spending 17 yuan on a huge bottle of detergent basically meant I could wash all of my undies for less than the hotel charged for one pair.

Little did I know, it would take 3 days for said washed undies to dry.

There's a laundry line in my shower, which is helpful, but no ventilation unit. So with all the humidity of late, it's taking FOREVER for my undies to dry. But, they're clean. So I guess that's all that matters.

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In other news it looks like I might be coming home sooner than I had expected. Like, 10 days sooner. I really hope this is true, because I really, REALLY miss my husband. And my dogs. But mostly my husband. I miss the feel of his stubbly beard on my lips and how his body feels when I hold him close. A pillow, despite my attempts at faux cuddles, just does not suffice.

That, and Chinese TV has totally lost it's charm. I mean, how many times can one watch another episode of "The Voice"?

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In other other news I had a moment last night where I really started to think about who I am right now as a person and who I want to be as a person. I thought at first "Silly Kate" because I was worried about how I might seem to others, and then I realized that my intention (at that time) was really based more upon making others feel comfortable and less about my own needs. So I thought, "Not so Silly Kate". Maybe I need to not classify myself so much as "silly". Maybe I should embrace who I am, or rather, who I want to be. Someone who is thinking a bit more of others and less of herself. This is a very hard one for me, as I naturally am very selfish and egotistical. But, I recognize this as Something I'm Always Working On and am trying desperately to correct. So, I thought, just for tonight I can try to embrace who I am right now for the positive merits instead of trying always to force myself to be someone I am not (currently).

For last night, it felt great. I meditated, did some yoga, and felt much better about my place in the world.

Today, I felt kind of the same as I usually do. I wish change happened faster.

Abrupt ending, starting...NOW.