Where are all the adults?

I'm going to start listing "Babysitter" and "Nagger" on my skills section on my resume.

Salsa?

It is much easier for me to "work out" if I am doing an activity. What I mean is, simply lifting weights or running just doesn't motivate me. I lose interest quickly and then feel bad about not going.

What has worked is making more out of my workout than just "cardio" or "a way to exercise". When I started yoga, for example, it was difficult for me to continuously attend classes because my reason for going was to get a workout. Once I changed that focus to involve better reasons for going (I'm going to practice relaxation in the midst of stress; I'm going to practice meditation; I'm going to develop a connection with my inner most self), it became easy for me to commit to and attend yoga classes. It also became easier for me to develop a home yoga practice that I adopt when I am travelling. 

I make it fun. I make it not "exercise". I find a way to make it about something else. 

Last week I played dodgeball with my coworkers. That was great exercise, because it was fun and we were playing and no one was concerned about their calorie output or anything. I would like to incorporate more of these sorts of activities into my evenings, as an alternative to doing yoga all the time.

Don't get me wrong; I love yoga. But I also love variety. On top of this, I am trying to develop a healthier sense of loving the beauty that is my body. I'm trying to become more comfortable with my shape as it is, instead of trying to change it. I am also trying to get more in touch with my femininity; I want to feel sexy and womanly, which to be honest I really do not feel all the time. I feel that yoga does this in a great and positive way, but I'd like another outlet for this.

So on those notes, I am going to try a beginner class in salsa dancing this or next week. If I don't like that particular style, I'll try some others. But I think dance would be great for a number of reasons. First, it's a great workout. Second, it will complement my yoga in terms of core strength and flexibility. Third, I am not the world's best dancer and I'd like to get a little better, as I really enjoy dancing and think I would enjoy it more if I had a better feel for how to move my body with music. Fourth, I really love latin rhythms and salsa / flamenco have been fascinating me for a while now. Fifth, I think that learning salsa will help me express that femininity that I am looking to connect with.

So cross your fingers and toes that I don't "pull a Kate" and trip and break my ankle or wrist or something. I am prone to accidents, and I'm secretly hoping that learning to dance will correct or improve this.

X or no X

Anxious again today.

A week or two ago the client said they wanted us to do X. This differed from the protocol we all agreed to about a week or two before that, but I did it anyway and found that it was good that I did, because I caught a ton of major errors that had been missed before.

Now they don't want us to do X. It hasn't been explained why, and I've reread the emails and it doesn't seem like anyone's saying that I or my company is the reason. Just seems like they want to get this out the door. But I'm frustrated because when I work, I put my whole effort into work. If you put me on a project I will slave over it until it looks perfect; that's my job and it's what I like about my job. I'm good at it.

So to tell me that you want me to do my job, but now you don't want me to do my job, but you'll probably change your mind in the next 5 minutes is really infuriating.

Maybe I'm not anxious so much as irritated. I guess the anxiety stems from worrying that I didn't do a good enough job at X and now they're taking that away. The frustration comes from feeling undervalued. I feel as though by doing this, they are saying I am no longer of value on this project. Which really hurts because this job, X, is essentially all I do. So if you take this away from me, what is my job? Why am I being paid? To sit around and update my blog?

I shouldn't complain, I know. I'm being paid a lot of money to basically do nothing. Most people would love this. I, however, prefer to be busy and valued and contribute directly to a company's success. I don't like sitting around waiting for things to happen.

At this point I suppose I am supposed to just accept that this is how it is. And I guess that's the solution; it's just a tough pill to swallow. :(

Vacation on the weekend

My goal of vacationing before vacation has been successful so far. Saturday we got up late, took our time getting out of the house, and still managed to get some basic chores done / degubbinsed before going out to Oktoberfest by the Bay with some friends. The evening was spent playing games and catching up with friends, truly relaxing.

Sunday was even better. We woke up late again, headed down south to Jonathan's parent's place and I spent the better part of the day laying on the lawn reading about the various sea creatures I will encounter in the Caribbean while snorkelling. We had a lovely lunch and left early to go to a concert in the city. In between we went out to eat and just walked around the mission until the concert started.

These may seem like ordinary things that ordinary people would do on their weekends. But I usually work on the weekends, so taking time out like this is a really big step for me. It was a lovely weekend and I really cannot wait for next weekend. I have plans to do some chores / housework on Saturday, but then Sunday will be all fun. Perhaps we will go on a hike.