X or no X

Anxious again today.

A week or two ago the client said they wanted us to do X. This differed from the protocol we all agreed to about a week or two before that, but I did it anyway and found that it was good that I did, because I caught a ton of major errors that had been missed before.

Now they don't want us to do X. It hasn't been explained why, and I've reread the emails and it doesn't seem like anyone's saying that I or my company is the reason. Just seems like they want to get this out the door. But I'm frustrated because when I work, I put my whole effort into work. If you put me on a project I will slave over it until it looks perfect; that's my job and it's what I like about my job. I'm good at it.

So to tell me that you want me to do my job, but now you don't want me to do my job, but you'll probably change your mind in the next 5 minutes is really infuriating.

Maybe I'm not anxious so much as irritated. I guess the anxiety stems from worrying that I didn't do a good enough job at X and now they're taking that away. The frustration comes from feeling undervalued. I feel as though by doing this, they are saying I am no longer of value on this project. Which really hurts because this job, X, is essentially all I do. So if you take this away from me, what is my job? Why am I being paid? To sit around and update my blog?

I shouldn't complain, I know. I'm being paid a lot of money to basically do nothing. Most people would love this. I, however, prefer to be busy and valued and contribute directly to a company's success. I don't like sitting around waiting for things to happen.

At this point I suppose I am supposed to just accept that this is how it is. And I guess that's the solution; it's just a tough pill to swallow. :(