I am trying to record whenever I feel anxious about whether I'm doing a good job or not at work. I am also trying to tell myself during these times to relax, that nothing is going to blow up or fall apart, that I'm not in danger of losing my job or anything.
These are just feelings. They are constantly there though, not exactly in the back of my mind either. They drive me to work hard but they also drive me crazy. I hate feeling this on edge.
My manager is out today, the client is freaking out because some files are late in delivery. The files are late because the last group to touch them put in the wrong font for one of the translations. That led to much confusion at the production house where mechanicals are created and so everyone is freaking out trying to get this sorted. That doesn't bother me; it's not my failure. But the client's constant panic emails do have me edgy...could I have prevented this? Am I not on top of everything enough? Should I make more lists?
I had fugue dreams all night last night. I was panicked about some Very Important Task that Needed To Get Done and when I woke, as usual, I realized with complete clarity that the said task didn't even exist. So I got an unrestful sleep for nothing. And will probably spend the whole day on edge as a result.
Tonight I have yoga, which is a saving grace because I will be physically exhausted enough to get a proper night's sleep. Also, I think I'm going to start up again my yoga nidra cds because they relax my mind immensely.
I hope that helps.
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